steph's blog

it's not good to keep emotions locked up inside, a good friend taught me that, so i'm spilling... i feel so wierd inside, i have all day long. maybe it's because a good old friend is leaving me, going farther away than just down the street where he used to be. goodness, will i ever miss him. i know he's not far away but it scares me to think that i can't just go over to his house and loiter...i mean, seriously, we can't hang out in the back of a truck in a parking anymore because loitering is just not the same without mick...or, i dunno, maybe we can have a memorial loitering service. ;-)

speaking of memorials...i guess i've been thinking a lot about the kind of legacy that i want to leave at my dear old alma mater. like mick and nathan and b-luv and rick left in years past. i want to be like that. i want people to remember me and miss me and bake me cookies and throw parties for me and come to see me when i leave. is that selfish? do i want too much? am i filled with childish dreams and expectations?

it scares me that after today, i have three days left of my summer. and then school starts. and then i'm a senior. i always said to myself that "i can't wait until i'm a senior"...and now i almost feel like i'm dreading it. because i'm told that once my senior year starts it doesn't stop and suddenly you're standing on the stage at the convention center and they're calling your name and you shake the principal's hand and receive a piece of paper that somehow is supposed to represent your education thus far. and i'm not ready for that yet. can't i make time stand still? does time have to push forward at this blistering pace?