steph's blog

okay. maybe if i talk out what i'm feeling right now i'll feel better. i have a lot of work to do but this is weighing on my mind.

i know everyone and their dog has told me to go to college wherever i'll be happiest, but right now i question the sincerity of that statement. i had everything in place before i was so kindly rejected by the nazis at plan II. i am completely convinced that i was rejected for some reason beyond what i can know and that God has something planned for me, but i'm running out of time to know what exactly that plan is. i honestly think that the way things stand right now, i would probably be happiest at baylor. i got into a great program that gets nothing but rave reviews, and while it's not as competitive as plan II, maybe that's what i need. i know a lot of people that are very happy there, and i did get very positive impressions when i went to fall premiere. right now i am just overridden with guilt, though, because i always thought baylor, after the academic scholarship i recieved from there, would be (financially speaking) about even with UT. this did not happen. this did not even come close to happening. the price of baylor is being jacked up several thousand dollars next year due to factors unbeknownst to me. and-on top of everything-i got this scholarship to UT, see below. (did i mention that the private dorm is reeeeeeally nice? but really-and i mean really-far from campus) and my parents say they're able and willing to pay for baylor, price hike and all, but something inside of me makes me feel really guilty. i could (ideally) go to a different school and get the same education. would i be happy? would i even be happy at baylor? how much is too much to pay for my happiness? i don't even know. both my parents paid for their college expenses out of their own pocket. they pulled themselves up by their own bootstrings. i think there's something admirable about that. it kind of bugs me to think that i won't be that way. i had rather hoped to escape the stereotype of rich white girl who gets everything she wants, but it's not looking that way right now. i guess you can take the girl out of southlake, but you can never take southlake out of the girl...