steph's blog

i just want to disappear sometimes. melt through the cracks of the sidewalk and never take human form again. i thought i was okay. i really did. and, for a while, i was. i think it was just shock. it wore off last night for no real reason other than i got in my car to go to a meeting and my seat was reclined from sitting there listening to him on sunday night and it hit me. things aren't the same. i don't think i can go back from here. the only direction i can move is forward, and it's scary, and i wonder if i'll make it. wonder if it's possible to hurt someone any more than i did. wonder if god could ever love anyone who's as two-faced as i am. i don't know the answers to any of these questions. i don't think i know a whole lot of anything right now other than that i am one sincerely screwed up human being...