steph's blog

song that speaks to me right now: "the reason" by hoobastank.

i'm not a perfect person
there's many things i wish i didn't do
but i continue learning
i never meant to do those things to you
and so i have to say before i go
that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

i'm sorry that i hurt you
it's something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through
i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why i need you to hear

i've found a reason for me
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

i'm not a perfect person
i never meant to do those things to you
and so I have to say before i go
that i just want you to know

i've found a reason for me
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

i've found a reason to show
a side of me you didn't know
a reason for all that i do
and the reason is you


i'm not a perfect person. i never thought i was to begin with. but lately i think i'm about as far from perfect as a person can possibly be. i've taken the heart of someone who meant-and still means-a lot to me and torn it into itty bitty pieces. i don't feel guilty about breaking up with him, because discontent and breakups are just a part of life and i firmly believe it was the right choice, but let it be known that i do feel guilty about the way that it happened. i couldn't control my heart, but i should have controlled my mind better than i did, and i shouldn't have been so selfish, so flighty, so inconsiderate. it's my fault. it's all my fault. and while i'm excited so very much about the life and times that lay ahead of me, in my heart i'm hiding the guilt that it all had to end this way. so am i happy? yes. but i haven't forgotten. i won't ever forget. we went through too much for me to snap my fingers and forget about it all, pretend none of it happened, erase it all from my memory. there's an old adage that says "don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened". if that's true, then i must have a pretty big smile on my face, because a lot happened, and a lot of memories were made. but until it's okay to bring those out again, i'm just going to hide them in my heart and move on with my life, hoping and praying that the person i once loved can do the same and that he can forgive me and some day a while from now be my friend again...