what i did this summer (an essay by yours truly)

... strange. in about 24 hours i'll be on my way back to austin and this summer as i know it will be over, and i'll go back to my other home which at times feels more like my home than this one. i thought i'd be happier about this. i thought i'd be ecstatic by now. i thought i'd feel joy, excitement, and i do, but i also feel fear. i've been trying to ignore it all day but it just keeps growing every minute, in part due to the fact that someone who i thought should've called me by now hasn't but also because i don't know what's going to happen this year. if you had told me at the beginning of last year what i would go through, i wouldn't have believed it. this past school year was chock-full of changes and suprises, joy and tears. i'm trying, struggling, to find the girl inside of me who welcomes the challenges of living alone again and the giant question mark that is my next year of college, but she's in hiding right now, and so i'm afraid. i left school in an absolute state of ecstacy three months ago. i want so badly to return to that feeling of always floating on air, of knowing you're exactly where you belong, but people change and circumstances change and relationships change as sure as the tide comes in, and i hope that i can find the same happiness once again...

to all my friends: thank you so much. you guys have made this summer memorable for me more than anyone else i know. i'm going to miss cheap bowling nights... swinging and talking at the park... watching family guy... brownie and movie nights... roadtrips... carpools to school... so much more that doesn't come to mind right now but is there nonetheless. "the laws of physics are lydia's b!tch". hahaha i think that's my favorite quote of the summer still. :-)

... don't know how much time i'll have later today/tomorrow to post, so for now this is steph, signing off in s'lake, and i'll see you back in austin, aight.