waxing philosophical

i am the whitewashed tomb.

there's so much capacity for good in me and so much capacity for jealousy, for anger, and for idolatrous behavior, and so often i choose the latter in how i act. i don't understand myself. i'm independent. i'm strong. i can stand alone. so why am i so afraid of being alone tonight? because having to leave was so sudden? because i worry about whether or not he's okay? because all i wanted to do for him is what he's done for me in the past and i was denied that right, that privledge? why do i let myself be tortured by thoughts like these anyway? they're nothing but detrimental to my mind and my spirit. they convince me once again that i am entirely too dependent on a mortal man who really could never fulfill the things i ask of him instead of an omnipotent God who most definately can. but it's so much easier to put your trust in something you can touch, something that can hold you when you're alone or scared or sad... something not so far away...

in other more positive news, i hope you all had a wonderful thanksgiving. i definitely did. horns up for the win today. our boys did all they could do...now it's up to the computers. joy joy joy.