this is how liberty ends...

... with thunderous applause. sorry. the austin-ite in me thinks that quote is awesome.

for whatever reason i'm starting to feel really uneasy about this summer and my plans. still not sure why. could it be because i have this nasty social tendency to freeze in large groups, and this summer is going to be one large-groupfest? could it be because it takes me so long to get close to people that i barely feel like i've met anyone i'll be working with? could it be because i'm a social wanderer, not really aligning myself with any close group of friends among my associates, and therefore i don't really know anyone all that well? could it be because i'm not sure how working so hard for so long at a time will take a toll on me physically, emotionally, mentally?

i hope it's fun. it's a big committment. i'm pretty sure when i jump in i'll be fine. and someone thought i'd be good for the job apparently. i have no doubt in my mind that i will be. it's just that sheer thinking about it makes me exhausted.

i think i'm also sad because i miss someone. well, several someones, but one in particular. someone who's 6 foot 3 inches (approximately), brown curly hair, hazel eyes, great smile, heart of gold... and i'm sad that, when i start working on the 23rd, i can't even promise him i'll get to see him on his birthday because i don't know what's going on and i don't know when i'll get to see him or talk to him other than weekends. i want to call him. i think i will.

i'm so damn pathetic...