steph's blog

i have control issues.

i think always deep down whenever i heard someone of faith say that pride was the root of all sin, i blew it off, because i'm humble, i don't have an ego, etc. this whole pride thing was not my cup of tea. but not so. all through high school and even to this day, i hate group projects because either 1) i end up doing all the work, or 2) i hate the final product. i just like things better when i do them myself.

pride.

now i'm older and a leader and my hubris still rears its ugly head. if there's one thing i hate to say, it's "if you don't like what i'm doing, then you take over" because i still think i'll do the greatest job the fastest and more efficient than anyone else. i micromanage because not having control when i feel like i should scares me more than most things.

pride.

perhaps this is why i feel lost when my pride falls. i don't have much left to hold onto. i feel vulnerable, defenseless, stranded. what i fail to see, most of the time, is that it's times like these that i'm in my most malleable state, times like these that God can come in and change me and take these shards of a person and make them perfect.

lord, today please help me with my pride...