steph's blog

looked out my door this morning and there were chunks of (someone's, i refuse to speculate on whose) dark hair lining the walls of my apartment. allow me to edit my soapbox post from several days ago by saying that i will NOT miss that...

last day for a while that both paul and i coexist in austin. (he's out watching x-men... i wasn't interested...) i wish i could be happier right now, i wish i could savor this day more, and i don't understand why i just feel very, very down while he's still here to be with me, or why i can't just be happy with phone calls and e-mails and knowing that this is something very, very real.

i think it's that entirely too many things are changing at once. sometimes it's a little too strange for me to reflect on how i've changed, or how i've not changed at all. watching movies of myself from three years ago, i'm embarassed and i'm envious. it's strange.

i need a haircut, but every time i think i can't wait to get a haircut i start thinking that my life will have changed by then in a way that is decidedly undesirable, and maybe i don't need a haircut after all...

i'm a baby. i know. blame it on southlake and my sheltered existence, blame it on my neediness, my control freak-ishness, my femininity, whatever. it's there, and i'm learning how to deal, but it's slow.