steph's blog

often i really dislike being at home because i have way too much time to reflect on things. namely, i just finished watching hotel rwanda and i've been reading all these articles about the incompetency of the powers that be in America and global warming's going to fry us all alive and i just keep thinking, can i even go to sleep tonight without worrying that something's going to happen to me or my family or my friends while i'm dreaming? and if i don't go to sleep afraid, or if i can even find the peace to sleep at all, am i stupid or sheltered or both? what does it take to move a person so deeply that they don't stop thinking about what they've seen after a good night's sleep?

then another part of me wonders what fear accomplishes besides this panicky feeling i can't shake, this notion that i ought to call up everyone in my cell phone and tell them i love them (and know they think i'm nuts). is it the destruction of reason, of rationality? is it the destruction of a perfectly good democracy, the thing that perpetuates hatred and bias and prejudice and all the evil forces the heart can detect? the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, but i just don't think i can accept that yet...