steph's blog

it's kind of an odd moment in your undergraduate career when you look to make sure all loose ends are tied up and you have all the classes you need and you get the following message, and i quote:

No remaining degree requirements exist for this audit.

huh. i guess it's about time to graduate then :-)

though i'm entirely too tired of answering questions about my post-undergrad path. maybe may is a good time to ask. right now i think i may have a chance of knowing what i want. it's just dependent on auditions, interviews, scholarships, etc. and other things that are only partially in my control. but lately i've just been thinking about how i'll be the only one of my close friends actually leaving austin come august, and it's made me more than a little sad, i must confess. of course there's always visits, AIM, phone calls, etc., but i imagine it will be just like when you left for high school and came back only to find that the holes you left in people's lives were quickly filled up by other friends, other activities, other roommates. so you have no choice but to move on, which i know i will do. i will open up old friendships and rediscover them, maintain the ones i have, and make a whole new set of friends and colleagues. i know that it will happen. i guess my fear then is just of that first moment of sitting alone in my apartment in august, more lonely than i can ever imagine. i guess i'm scared that, given the choice of opening my door and letting others in or shutting people out because they're new and intimidating, i will choose the latter.

so today, because i do fear a complete manifestation of my introversion when i reach graduate school, i made a choice. it's really a personal one so i won't elaborate, nor is it terribly exciting, but i will say that it's half a personal choice - for the sake of my mental health, which due to stress has not been great this year - and half for my vocational curiosity. i'm considering it a real-life experiment. i can say with confidence that you'll definitely know how it turns out :-)

and now, because i'm vain, here's a totally sweet picture of me playing guitar over the summer.



i rule.