steph's blog

you all should know that i am coming up on the 5th anniversary of "so impossible". i was thinking my blog and i would go out to a nice dinner, perhaps a walk afterwards along the beach... ha. ha. ha. but seriously - i'm still not sure why i find so much appeal in dumping my jumbled, emo thoughts onto a website for the world to read and ponder, but i suppose it's because of viewers like you. so thanks :-)

anyway, i've been going through my papers from college and i stumbled upon the paper version of this poem, written march 7th, 2005. i was in a major life transition then and, oddly enough, i find myself in one right now as well...

somewhere along the way i was like a child
a wide-eyed wonder
heart beating like thunder
not too long ago i felt a schoolgirl's giddiness,
the experience of a first starry night
and i revelled in the warmth
let my eyes gather the starlight they saw
and hold it captive there like fireflies in a jar
so what when i smiled, my eyes twinkled too.

somewhere along the way my heart spoke to me
of forbidden fruit smiles
for thousands of miles
and i was only too happy to indulge it,
pull the proverbial wool over my eyes
claim for myself a large pair of rose-colored glasses
and enjoy their hue from my back porch.

somewhere along the way my heart broke in pieces
a beautiful mess
in the name of progress
not too long ago i felt an orphan's despair,
the fading of my brightest star from sight
and i could only stand back and watch,
blinking back tears as i watched a part of me die
wondering, so poetically, how i could write an elegy for my heart
so what when i smiled, you saw the sadness too.

somewhere along the way i found a light
a small, fickle flame
but a hope just the same
and i am only too happy to keep it burning
let its smallness conceal where i've been
and its pure fire illuminate my next step
from my back porch out into the world.