steph's blog

it's been a few days, hasn't it? i've been meaning to update for a week or so now, but usually it takes staring something i don't want to do - like studying for my comps - straight in the face before i can cough up an update.

i feel a bit incomprehensible. sorry in advance. i blame my large coffee at quack's :-)

six days until the big move, and as of right now i'm... doing okay. determined not to spend my last days in austin fretting that i'm leaving. am i finally coming to the realization that self-pity is/was getting me nowhere? maybe. or maybe once i saw my classes in the fall, looked at my books for the fall, talked to people about my classes - I actually remembered why I'm moving, and how long I've waited (two years and then some, to be exact) to start studying music therapy, which I'm actually starting in less than two weeks now. I guess that means that I'm excited and ready for my next challenge... because as much as I love the various jobs I've held this summer, none of them appeal to me as much as "music therapist".

or maybe it was finding a job... i'm going to be teaching lessons and teching the drumline where I went to high school (full circle or what?!?)... I hope this doesn't make me "that girl" (as in that girl who never really lets go of the previous stage of her life), but I feel like I haven't been "that girl" all through college. I barely went home for state championships in football. It'll be interesting (and much preferred) to go when nobody's going to recognize me. I feel like I could actually be good at teaching on a private lesson level. We'll see though. still not regretting my decision to NEVER become a band director! (double negative?... oh well)

anyway, regardless of the reasons, I feel much more secure in my future now. still a bit frightened of the loneliness and the thought of my friends resuming their lives here without me, and a bit sad to say goodbye to some people, but overall, okay. life is full of these transitions, and I just haven't gotten enough used to them to go without the negative emotions. the important thing - at least I think - is that they're now accompanied by hope.