steph's blog

am i not pretty enough?
is my heart too broken?
do i cry too much?
am i too outspoken?
don’t i make you laugh?
should i try it harder?
why do you see right through me?
-kasey chambers, "not pretty enough"

i don't understand. all my life i've been the kid that most parents would love to have. i don't drink. i've never done drugs. i'm still a virgin and plan to stay that way. i don't stay out all night. i get good grades. so why, when i talk to my parents, is it always a matter of what i've failed to do? like today, when i was filling out this scholarship application, my mother looks at it and tells me, yet again, about how she's told me for years that i need to be more well-rounded, how i should have volunteered more at church, joined ASTRA, etc., etc. nothing about how well i've done in school, all the awards i do have, all the activities i am in, what i have accomplished in my life. it offends me that she makes light of my accomplishments and it frustrates me that she chooses to only see what i am not when she looks at me. i know she's just trying to help me get as much money for college as i can, but i don't want to be miss perfect. i just want to be me. is that too much to ask?