steph's blog

i guess i should be really happy.

we won really, really big last night...wow...it was pretty pathetic, actually, i believe the score was 56 to 0 at halftime? hehehe. and...this is more important...the band played really well last night. i think the show went well, it had energy, life, and the snare break didn't suck...that bad. and i didn't screw up my solo, either. and...we got to see the OU band play. they came to play at our game...i guess it was just a run-through for their big performance tomorrow. wow. they were really loud. i was standing right in front of them, on the front sideline, and they (almost literally) blew me away. it was really really (plus about twenty six reallys) cool.

but coming home, while lydia was sleeping on my shoulder and i was listening to lifehouse, i think i had a revelation, and that is...i wish i had another year with this drumline. yeah, they're young, and some of them aren't very good either, but for the first time i feel like we're a family, like i could carry on a conversation with anyone in drumline and it wouldn't be awkward at all. i love the new kids that came in. they are more enthusiastic than the rest of the band combined (or at least that's what i think...). they love band and they love drumline and i can't wait to come back when i'm in college to see them and how good they can be because they're already picking up on what it means to truly focus, get your mind in the game. and if they're like this now, i can't wait to see them as seniors. they'll be amazing.

anyway, thinking about all of this made me think of...yeah...college. how in less than a year i'll be there. which made me think of...where am i going? what am i going to do with my life? i mean, i've never claimed to have everything figured out, but sitting on that bus, i felt so helpless, like i had no say in how things were going to turn out. but i guess in the end it's better that way. it's better if i feel helpless, because that way i allow god to decide for me, which in the end, is what i want anyway. it's just so hard sometimes, you know? to let someone else make that kind of a decision for you. even if that someone else is the lord god, creator of heaven and earth, and so much infinitely larger than little old me...