steph's blog

when you're broken down and no one else is around
you'll come running back to this town and i'll be there, yeah i'll be there
cause i remember how we drank time together
and how you used to say that the stars are forever
and daydreamed about how to make your life better
by leaving town, leaving town
-dexter freebish, "leaving town"

i think it's because i'm stressed out and pretty much have no time to myself anymore, but lately little things have been bugging me. things like people never seeming to remember my name. i guess maybe i'm not that bad at remembering other people's names, but-and this is not a new thing-people can never seem to remember mine. last night i was at a meeting for tau beta sigma and the president couldn't remember my name when she called on me. i know it's not a big deal. i know she has to learn 20 other girl's names besides me, although she had no trouble remembering anyone else's... but in this college environment, having someone remember my name is like a ray of sunshine to me. it says "i remember you, and i value you enough to store any information i learn about you in my memory." again, i think i'm making a pretty big deal out of nothing, but i feel pretty insignificant sometimes as it is already, and stuff like this doesn't help.

i think i knew this already, but i'm learning more about the way i interact in large groups. or rather, don't interact, because i'm figuring out that i can be painfully shy in groups of about more than 6 people. this includes my membership candidacy class for tau beta sigma (22 girls strong!), and so as a result i think sometimes i come off as aloof and perhaps even snobbish when the truth is i'm terrified of being in groups that large. i need to get over this. it's just hard, you know, when those first impressions have already been made...

another thing, and then i'll be done complaining (i think...): i feel like i'm losing somewhat all my friends from last semester. jen, i know what you're talking about, totally... i made my best friends from LHB, and it seems like, except for the ones in my studio, i hardly see them anymore, and it's sad, because i love these people, and they're awesome, and i've been so busy that i've barely had time, but i wish i had more, ya know?

heh, this is a long post... and i have homework to do... including my first paper of this semester-yay! is it wierd that i miss writing, i miss analyzing, i miss all the english stuff that i didn't get to do last semester? reading last of the mohicans (the slooooooowest book evaaaaar) almost doesn't make me miss it, but not quite. i still love english, which is good, considering my pending double major in it, right? riiiiight? guys? did anybody make it this far anyway?