a real update

... so i've been posting a whole lot of crap on here lately, but without any updates on my actual existence, life, times, etc. for those of you who come here to see how i'm doing and not a bunch of dumb pictures and links, enjoy.

life is, in a word, great. my classes have been really quite easy thus far. i keep waiting for them to get harder but for the most part they haven't, which is nice because it gives me a lot of time to kick back and relax. i wish i could say i was more productive with this kick-back time than i am, but i have fun. i do a lot of practicing, actually. my prof. wants me to play this (stout's mexican dance #2) for the studio (25-30 people) this monday, which is infinitely terrifying and exhilirating all at once. you don't know fear unless you've played for that many discerning musicians, half of whom have played the piece you're playing, all of whom have heard it before and are going to know if you mess it up. but it's nice to hear feedback-both positive and negative-and it's really nice to have people come up to you afterwards and say you're doing really well, give you a pat on the back, etc. it kinda reaffirms me and the work i've put into everything. so that's good.

i have to admit i've been struggling in other areas, or at least changing, becoming something different than who i know and am comfortable with. that scares me sometimes, but i'm learning to live with it. i think one of the things i love most about being in the relationship i'm in is that it makes me want to be a better person. it makes me want to be stronger, more convicted and more convincing, better with words. it makes me want to know more about what i believe and be able to defend it. it's taught me to question authority, to question faith, to question everything. i can't sit through church/bible study anymore without all these questions shooting off in my head like fireworks: why? why is it this way? why do i sense ignorance in this person's words? it's taught me to believe that i can't believe everything. i have to be discerning. i have to know. as much as i want to at times, i can't just be. i can't just sit there and let life happen to me. i have to happen to life. does that even make sense?...

a little bit of the haze more commonly known as my life has cleared up, however, and that is with regard to a tentative career path. i think i finally know what i want to do with my life. now i just have to figure out how to do it. i'm very very seriously looking at becoming a music therapist because i'm fascinated by their work and the sheer fact that music therapy works. i get really excited thinking about helping people through one of my passions. i'm not sure how many of my faithful readers already know about this revelation-it might come as shocking seeing as my plan went from music-plan II to music-english to music business to music-psychology, which is where i am now. and while i'm not sure sure this is where i'll be and what i'll be doing in a few years, i'm more sure about this than i have been about any of my other career aspirations. so right now i'm just going to ride it out, see how it goes. hopefully well...

i guess that's it for now. i have stuff i should probably do and stuff. :-) have a great weekend, everybody. smile. breathe some fresh air, and never ever forget who is was that entitled you to that breath...