an obituary

hmm. i tried to post this earlier and only the title got published. strange...

today i lost my beautiful baby boy.

i went to feed elvis, my beta fish, this morning, and noticed that there was food from yesterday floating on the water, which has never happened before. then i saw him in a corner, not moving. i knew he was dead at once because i'll never forget the way vince looked when he was dead. i've been in shock today all day. i feel like i've been floating the whole time. i can't really remember what i did. i can't cry like i did for hours when vince died because then i knew it was my fault. now i honestly don't know how he died, whether it was my fault or something beyond my control. i've always said i didn't know what i would do when elvis died. i don't know what to do. it seems like my body doesn't know how to react to it.

i got elvis six months ago. he was a replacement to my first fish vince who i unknowingly killed. i picked him because he was pretty-he had red fins and tail and a shimmery blue-green body. he was flashy. so i named him elvis. i loved getting up in the morning to feed him, smiling at him, calling him "my beautiful baby boy" and "my other boyfriend". i loved how he used to follow the tip of my pencil when i was doing theory homework. he was a smart fish. i haven't had a pet in over fifteen years and he was special to me because, finally, i had something i could take care of, something that depended completely on me. it was a good feeling. and it's so depressing when that thing that depends on you for life passes away unnoticed.

so rest in peace, elvis. i hope you're smiling down on me from that big beta fish haven in the sky. i miss you buddy...