seeing clear

i look through the lens of god and my life falls back into place.

now i can see that it's not fair to depend on a mortal person for my happiness. it's a burden he was never meant to bear. there is only one thing in this life that can carry that burden for me. i've learned that people, invariably, disappoint. i've learned that the hard way in the past few weeks. the only thing that gives me peace when my life is crazy is my God. i've been going through a time where i know there is a God up there but i don't know much else for sure. i can't say i know any more now except that i know He spoke to me tonight and told me why i've been so unhappy. i've been placing the blame on an endless amount of wrong reasons, and i'm done with that. he hasn't been perfect, but neither have i. and now that i know this, i can work towards making us better, towards making things better between God and i, and restoring me to my usual happy, optimistic, stable self. no more driving down the highway late at night bawling my eyes for no real reason at all. no more angry outbursts that mask desperate cries for help. no more emotional roller coaster. i won't let me do it to myself. i won't. i won't.

hope everyone had a good weekend.

my right leg hurts a lot and i don't know why. i think i pulled a muscle. lovely.

i want to cut my hair.

i want to work out more.

i've been eating horribly. i want to fix that too.

goodnight.